How much a Family of 3 spent in Bali

So a funny thing happened today. As I was uploading a file to my Google Drive I noticed I’m almost out of space. A little alert at the left of my screen was prompting me to update my storage.

Umm…nah Google!

I started searching through my files to see what I could delete. I stumbled upon a file from three years ago titled “Bali Spending”. As procrastination starred me dead in my face, I decided to stop what I was doing and finally…FINALLY write a blog about our spending in Bali.

Three Summers ago our family of three went on a Summer Vacation to Southeast Asia. We visited multiple countries: Indonesia, Malaysia, Thailand, Vietnam, Brunei, and Cambodia (I think I’m missing one). I had a plan to share EXACTLY what we spent while in Bali. Everyday I wrote in a little notebook every meal, activity and taxi ride. To the point where David was annoyed and Levi would remind me, “mom are you going to write that down?”. It was so tedious, I think once we left Bali and I uploaded the numbers to a Google Doc, I was over it!

So here we are, three years later and I’m sharing what we spent. Why?

Well, I’m in a Facebook group called Wandering Moms. It’s grown SO much over the past few years. But one of the many questions moms ask is…How Much?! They want to know how much they should budget for travel? What’s the REAL cost of international trips with kids? Once it’s all said and done, how much are people actually spending? I figured I’d help answer this question in Bali! I’d take one stop on our 2 month vacation and share what we spent.

We spent just under three weeks in Bali, here are a few disclosures:

1. Two of our accommodations were split with a friend. She had one villa and my family had the other. I can’t remember if the price includes that split or if it’s the full price.
2. I tried to find the price of our flights from Hong Kong to Bali, but failed. We flew Air Asia that Summer and David definitely remembers our flights were super cheap!
3. The only hotel we booked in advance was Seminyak Lagoon All Suites. I wanted to wait until we arrived in Bali to book the rest of our accommodation. With that being said, we didn’t get the best deals because we booked the day of or the day prior to arrival.

Alright, so here is a quick glimpse image and below that is a more detailed breakdown of what we spent along with a few links!

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Accommodation:

Total	$12,403,930.00	$879.20 USD
Seminyak Lagoon All Suites	$4,424,996.00	$313.64USD
Kayu Suar	$4,445,698.00	315.11USD
Ubud Green	$958,794.00	67.96USD
Harper Kuta	$2,574,442.00	182.48USD

Transportation:

Total	$3,074,000.00	$217.89 USD
Airport Transfer	$150,000.00	10.63USD
Driver (Wayan)	$400,000.00	28.35USD
Driver (Wayan)	$50,000.00	3.54USD
Uber	$28,000.00	1.98USD
Taxi	$8,000.00	0.57USD
Uber	$360,000.00	25.52USD
Driver (Gun)	$400,000.00	28.35USD
Taxi	$230,000.00	16.30USD
Driver	$150,000.00	10.63USD
Taxi	$50,000.00	3.54USD
Driver (Bagus)	$300,000.00	21.26USD
Taxi	$80,000.00	5.67USD
Driver (Bagus)	$300,000.00	21.26USD
Driver Tip	$50,000.00	3.54USD
Uber	$21,000.00	1.49USD
Taxi	$35,000.00	2.48USD
Taxi	$70,000.00	4.96USD
Uber	$99,000.00	7.02USD
Driver	$200,000.00	14.18USD
Uber	$18,000.00	1.28USD
Uber	$75,000.00	5.32USD

Meals:

Total	$6,357,400.00	$450.62 USD
Bestest Cafe	$200,000.00	14.18USD
Grain Cafe	$145,000.00	10.28USD
Pandawa Beach	$180,000.00	12.76 USD
Room Service	$176,000.00	12.48USD
Taco Grill	$400,000.00	28.35USD
Pizza	$85,000.00	6.02USD
Warung Ocha	$240,000.00	17.01USD
Nalu Bowls	$55,000.00	3.90USD
Room Service	$200,000.00	14.18USD
Eternal Homestyle Dining	$182,000.00	12.90USD
Ithaka Warung	$35,000.00	2.48USD
Dinner	$211,000.00	14.96USD
Grain Cafe	$325,000.00	23.04USD
Mcdonalds	$40,000.00	2.84USD
Oasis Lagoon	$375,000.00	26.58USD
Kreol	$40,000.00	2.84USD
Dairy Queen	$70,000.00	4.96USD
The Village	$237,000.00	16.80USD
Johnny Rockets	$240,000.00	17.01USD
Tony Romas	$345,000.00	24.45USD
Gelato Secret	$60,000.00	4.25USD
Lunch	$39,000.00	2.76USD
Pizza	$150,000.00	10.63USD
Blue Cafe	$80,000.00	5.67USD
Italo Cafe	$428,000.00	30.34USD
Massimo Italian	$60,000.00	4.25USD
Bamboo Beach Bar	$125,000.00	8.86USD
Room Service	$310,000.00	21.97USD
Room Service Tip	$7,000.00	0.50USD
A&W	$130,000.00	9.21USD
Room Service	$18,000.00	1.28USD
Legian 27 Cafe	$30,000.00	2.13USD
TJ’s Mexican Restaurant	$144,400.00	10.24USD
Gelato	$80,000.00	5.67USD
Dinner	$185,000.00	13.11USD
Black Pit Coffee	$40,000.00	2.84USD
Grain Cafe	$110,000.00	7.80USD
Lunch	$50,000.00	3.54USD
Dinner	$150,000.00	10.63USD
Ice Cream	$10,000.00	0.71USD
Legian 27 Cafe	$370,000.00	26.23USD

Cafes, Groceries, Laundry, Miscellaneous:

Total	$2,853,000.00	$202.22 USD
Drinks	$40,000.00	2.84USD
Mango	$25,000.00	1.77USD
Drinks	$42,000.00	2.98USD
Grocery/Wendy’s	$200,000.00	14.18USD
Sim Card	$112,000.00	7.94USD
Drinks	$22,000.00	1.56USD
Coffee/Sorbet	$105,000.00	7.44USD
Laundry	$104,000.00	7.37USD
Drinks	$40,000.00	2.84USD
Starbucks	$145,000.00	10.28USD
Drinks/Snacks	$75,000.00	5.32USD
Drinks/Snacks	$110,000.00	7.80USD
Coconut	$25,000.00	1.77USD
Drinks	$25,000.00	1.77USD
Drinks	$80,000.00	5.67USD
Laundry	$160,000.00	11.34USD
Starbucks	$139,000.00	9.85USD
Bug Spray	$17,000.00	1.20USD
Drinks	$35,000.00	2.48USD
Drinks	$100,000.00	7.09USD
Starbucks	$110,000.00	7.80USD
Hotel Tip	$150,000.00	10.63USD
Food Mart Groceries	$160,000.00	11.34USD
Gloria Jeans	$42,000.00	2.98USD
Post Office	$324,000.00	22.97USD
Drinks	$58,000.00	4.11USD
Pharmacy	$75,000.00	5.32USD
Drinks	$30,000.00	2.13USD
Starbucks	$153,000.00	10.84USD
Drinks	$30,000.00	2.13USD
Laundry	$120,000.00	8.51USD

Activities:

Total	$4,887,000.00	$346.39 USD
Paintai Seminyak	$80,000.00	5.67USD
Pandawa Beach	$50,000.00	3.54USD
Turtle Island & Boat	$850,000.00	60.25USD
Murano Spa	$44,000.00	3.12USD
Cenggu Beach	$60,000.00	4.25USD
Fish Spa	$55,000.00	3.90USD
Finding Dory Movie	$120,000.00	8.51USD
Haircut	$30,000.00	2.13USD
Sanur Beach	$50,000.00	3.54USD
Sanur Beach Boat	$30,000.00	2.13USD
Lumbung Sari Coffee	$300,000.00	21.26USD
Galuh Art Shop Souk	$728,000.00	51.60USD
Monkey Forest	$110,000.00	7.80USD
Mt. Batur Hike	$1,200,000.00	85.06USD
Smart Salon Spa	$415,000.00	29.42USD
Ayung Spa	$200,000.00	14.18USD
Sarong	$150,000.00	10.63USD
Painting	$250,000.00	17.72USD
Pandawa Beach	$100,000.00	7.09USD
Necklace/Keychain	$65,000.00	4.61USD

So there it is!

We spent $2,096.32 USD.

I possibly missed a coffee here and there or, some random purchase.

We spent more than we planned (#happenseveryvacation) and a few activities we decided to skip.  We can always go back! Malachi needs a chance to visit some Bali beaches!

Your family can spend a lot less in Bali than we did. And, obviously you can spend a lot more!

Bali is a very affordable place to visit solo or as a family. Getting there is usually the dilemma for people in North America. If you’ve been thinking a lot about visiting Southeast Asia, GO! It’s a wonderful experience for families and it’s possible to do it with a conservative budget if needed.

A few things I wished I knew:

1. Find a local driver you like and stick with him!
2. Decide on the total cost of your drive in advance with your driver!
3. Don’t count on taxis or Uber being readily available. When going to a beach or activity 30 minutes or more away from your hotel, hire a driver for the day or half-day. It’ll save you so much worry and stress!
4. The mosquitoes are ridiculous!! Buy mosquito repellent in Bali. I feel like the spray I had from Hong Kong was like Bath & Body works candy lotion for them and they bit right through it. Get you some LOCAL bug spray!
5. Hotel and Villa bedroom doors don’t really close. That’s it. I wish I would have prepared my mind for that reality. I don’t do spiders, I don’t do bugs and I’m seriously allergic to mosquitos. There is some type of crack or opening somewhere – just be prepared!

Have a question, comment below or find me on Facebook or Instagram.

Happy Travels!!

Summer 2019: Back to the City (w/ Kids) – Part 2 & 3

Alright! After our relocation, new school year and sick days I’m finallllllyyyyy finishing my Summer series of our time in New York City.

Day 3: July 18th – Brooklyn

I love Brooklyn! Looking back, I can’t believe I didn’t spend more time in the borough while living in NYC. Other than going to church (The Brooklyn Tabernacle) every week – I didn’t really spend much time exploring Brooklyn.

While Malachi and David napped, Levi and I took a stroll around our hotel and came across a tiny cop car – he was equally impressed and intrigued. The officer came out of a bagel store (in true NYC fashion) and offered to let Levi sit in the car. He was excited with a smile from ear-to-ear. But as a third-culture-kid, having zero awareness of the relationship between police and people who look like him, he didn’t notice the stares, eye-rolls and people stopping mid-stride to observation of his encounter. It wasn’t lost on me.

The day we arrived in Brooklyn it was announced – five years later – that criminal charges would not be brought against the police officer who killed a man, Eric Garner, a lifelong Brooklyn resident. After we thanked the officer and continued walking I shared with Levi the story of Mr. Garner’s unfortunate death, along with the impact of his last words “I can’t breath”. Sharing the effect his death and last words had specifically on black and brown people in America. He had so many questions. Most, I could answer. Some, I couldn’t. In the end, he understood why it raised an eyebrow or caused an emotional trigger to those who saw him getting into the police car. It’s one of the things I love about being black in my community – people were looking out, aware that we were tourists and keeping a watchful eye on Levi. Though the officer was very respectful, approachable and kind to us – giving a warning about the neighborhood we were in; I’m well aware that our experience with this officer in Brooklyn could quite possibly be drastically different to the experiences and interactions of the people who reside there.

We grabbed some lunch at City Point Shopping Center. A great place to grab something on the go. They also have a Target and Trader Joe’s, which are all indoors – that turned out to be great for us as it rained on and off all day.

We planned to go to the Brooklyn Children’s Museum, it was a pay-as-you wish day! The kids had a good time but it was pretty packed and hot inside. I’d imagine during the fall or winter months this would be a great place to take kids and let them explore!

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By the time we left the museum we were all exhausted. We took a nice stroll through Brooklyn on the way to the train. I wanted the boys to take a picture in front of a brownstone. NYC Brownstones, specifically in Brooklyn and Harlem always remind me of the Cosby Show. I remember growing up wishing I could live in a house like the Huxtables! I grew up in a nice spacious home with a big yard so I’m not complaining in the least. But, something about steps leading up to your door and a swinging kitchen door always intrigued me!

Day 4: July 19th – Brooklyn

We continued our fourth day in Brooklyn. We headed to the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens. It was a free visitation day! Ya’ll it was HOTTTT, we got some ice from the small cafe in the visitors center, filled up our water bottles and headed out. I don’t know why I wore yellow. The bees were in my face the entire time, and although I’m not afraid of bees per se (I’ve never been stung); the sound of a bee is what makes me flip out, annoy David, make my kids laugh and likely give passerbys something to laugh at.

The garden was beautiful. Obviously visiting in Summer we missed a lot of the natural beauty that comes with Spring, but I was so happy we went. Levi continued to complain of the heat, Malachi just wanted to run the grounds without any boundaries. Overall, the kids loved it. David has a knack for taking pictures of bugs and flowers up close, so he was in his zone. Again, I could imagine visiting in Fall and it being lovely, crisp and cool! Definitely a place worth visiting.

Okay, here’s where I lost my hardcore New Yorker card – on day four. As I was channeling my hubby and attempting to take a photo of a flower, this random man came up to me and was trying to give me tips and suggestions. At first, I tried to decline politely. He insisted and said, “here let me show you” and took my phone. I’m thinking, okay he’s going to show me how to get a good photo of the flower. The area we were in was slightly secluded, though David was somewhere around the corner with the boys, I couldn’t see them or anyone actually. So this man takes my phone and starts instructing me to move closer to the flower and telling me how to pose. I looked at him and smiled – at this point, I was simultaneously confused, annoyed and uncomfortable – as well as mad at myself for even letting a stranger take my phone and boss me around.

As I smile “for the camera”, he says, “No! Look at the flower, don’t smile and pose. Gaze at the flower”. Ugh, I knew it. I let my guard down and I’ve been slippin on my NYC street smarts. I made a rookie move and now I’m figuring out how to get out of it. As I’m looking at the flower, I’m thinking about how many women get put in the position of not wanting to upset a random man in public – because we never know! Is he calm, aggressive, manic, creepy, dangerous, socially-awkward? He could be bats*it crazy and we (women) have to decide in the moment how to respond and in attempt to keep ourselves safe.

I then say, “okay, thank you” and walk towards him to get my phone. He backs away from me and says, “here, stand right there – that’s a good spot”. Guys, I’m embarrassed….I did it (sigh). I assessed my situation – no one was around, I couldn’t tell his demeanor or character. He was dressed casual and “non threatening”, but he also seemed “not all there”. Even if I started yelling, the maze type area we were in – full of flowers and bushes, I’m not sure if anyone would know where the yelling was coming from. I didn’t want to alarm David or our kids. I didn’t want to cause a scene. So I obliged to this entitled man. Hoping this is just some weird photographer wannabe and there’s no reason to be alarmed. I said a quiet prayer, looked at the flower he was talking about, then looked at him with a face that said “I’m not playing this game any longer so…”, with that don’t try me face I say, “thank you” and reach for my phone. He reluctantly hands it to me and immediately David and the boys walk around the corner towards us. I start walking away, he’s mumbling something, David is instinctively alarmed and starts to ask what was happening. I just wanted to get away from professor creeptographer as quickly as I could.

Check! I’ve had my weird NYC experience and although not much to tell, it was a cautious reminder to do better and reign in my trust and naivety.

Still Day 4!

We left the gardens and headed to Harlem to meet our dear friend, Adrienne. She picked a family friendly restaurant to have lunch, Harlem Tavern. The food wasn’t the best, but the service was very hospitable and it’s a convenient location to bring kids. After having lunch we headed to the Metropolitan Museum of Art and with a minimal donation through Adrienne’s membership.

Personally, the MET isn’t a museum I’d go with my kids, especially not a toddler. It’s a place I’d love to take my time and mosey around: have a coffee – keep exploring – grab some lunch – continue exploring and finish the day with a glass of wine nearby. There’s so much to see and feeling rushed with one bored kid and another energetic toddler who wants to touch everything is less than ideal. But again, I’m happy we went!

We took a quick pass through Grand Central station, Levi was not impressed. We got on the train to head back towards Brooklyn. Unfortunately, the train was delayed and after about 40 minutes sitting on the train we decided to get off, grab a bite and head towards Bryant Park. My handy spreadsheet had a concert with songs by Stevie Wonder at the park that day. Surprisingly, when we arrived there was a Gospel Choir which we all enjoyed!! We hung out at Bryant Park, juggled with random jugglers in the park and finally headed back to Brooklyn.

Day 5: July 20th – The American Museum of Natural History

Alright, so it’s September 3rd and my memory of mid-July is pretty sparse! So I’ll let the pictures speak for themselves 🙂

We arrived to the museum directly from the train station. By going directly to the members only kiosk and making a small donation we were able to skip the longgggg line and go directly into the museum. Pro-tip which we failed to do, pack a lunch or grab lunch to eat inside. The cafeteria was CRAZY packed and it was a bit chaotic.  Overall we had a GREAT time at the Museum!

Day 6: July 21st – More of Brooklyn

We spent the day hanging around Brooklyn. Unfortunately, we arrived to Jane’s Carousel as it was closing. We grabbed a bite at Time Out Market, enjoyed some Ice Cream from Odd Fellows and walked along the waterfront.

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Day 7: July 22nd – Governors Island, Staten Island Ferry & 9/11 Memorial

Governors Island is completely slept on! It was so calm and quiet with barely anyone around. Though there isn’t much to do there, with kids it’s a great place to go. There are no cars, so they can walk and roam freely. Once again, we should have packed a lunch and brought more snacks. If we did, we definitely would have stayed longer!

We hopped on the Staten Island Ferry in order to see the Statue of Liberty. This ferry is free so it’s a great way for kids to see the statue. If you don’t get a good visual on the way there, just try again on the way back. All together it probably took us one hour from start to finish, including wait time.

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The 9/11 Memorial was heartbreaking. Unexpectedly, I cried…a lot. Levi couldn’t understand why I was so emotional and David did his best to console me. My heart was moved so deeply for those that were killed and the family and friends that consider that location a cemetery. It was a somber place but worth a respectful visit.

Day 8: July 23rd – Rainy day in Brooklyn

We didn’t do much other than laundry and errands. We kept it simple and gave our feet a much needed rest!

Day 9: July 24th – Brooklyn to Midtown East: Central Park

This day was great! It was hot – I can’t remember too many details but going through my photos I’m reminded that we were sweaty but all smiles. We covered a lot of Central Park!

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Day 10: July 25th – Harlem

We ventured out to our old neighborhood in Harlem to meet up with old friends. The kids played, we had lunch and simply enjoyed being in the place we once called home. We were both caught off guard by the amount of non-brown faces in Harlem. Gentrification has been quite aggressive since the last time we visited, but that’s a whole other blog post.

Day 11: July 26th – African Burial Ground National Monument, Washington Square Park & Chelsea Market

This day was all about applying for Malachi’s social security card. After going to the wrong government building and then venturing out to the correct one, we pretty much just wandered around Lower Manhattan. On my handy spreadsheet for Lower Manhattan was the African Burial Ground National Monument. I am SO SO happy I got to go to this monument. After walking around reading the plaques we caught up with a tour of the grounds just in time.

It was emotional for all of us, thankfully Malachi slept through most of it; leaving Levi to have our full attention as he asked questions and struggled with the idea of slave infants, toddlers and children being amongst the bodies that were discovered and reburied at the monument. He had a few questions for our tour guide and made sure to tell him first, “some of my ancestors were slaves” and the guide responded, “mine too”. It was a sad and sweet moment with a complete stranger. We inside, walked around the small museum and purchased a few books to support this national site. If you’re in NYC I’d encourage you to go by!

We met our long time friend and family at Washington Square Park and then headed over to the Chelsea Market. The plan was to walk the High Line as well, but we were exhausted – and exhaustion is a recipe for tantrums from any member of my family. So we called it a day – and it was a lovely day!!

Day 12 July 27th – Dylan’s Candy Bar, Times Square

Self explanatory! The boys had a blast here. We had lunch in the diner, nothing fancy but a fun lunch for the boys. They each got to choose ONE candy to purchase.

Summer time in New York City there are all kinds of festivals around the city. We walked through Times Square – a complete tourist trap – but Levi enjoyed seeing a site he’s seen in plenty of movies.

Day 13: July 28th – Brunch in Harlem & Midtown to Newark

We ventured up to Harlem for breakfast, only to realize The BLVD Bistro only opened for brunch. A few nights prior I went to FCBC for a panel discussion and viewing of an Aretha Franklin documentary: Amazing Grace. Afterwards, my friend Adrienne and I went to the BLVD for dinner. I NEEDED to visit this restaurant again before leaving NYC, just for the biscuits!! Also popped by Cafeine for a quick iced-coffee!

We headed back to our hotel in East Manhattan, ordered an Uber and headed to our final hotel in Newark, as our flight left the following day.

New York City could not and did not disappoint. I left with sore legs, sore feet, a smile on my face and a full heart. I loved it so much! New York City isn’t for everybody, some people hate it and have absolutely no desire to visit or even live in the City. For me, I pray it’s in our future to be New Yorkers once again!

 

 

Summer 2019: Back to the City (w/ Kids) – Part 1/3

New York, New York!

I love New York City; like legit LOVE NYC. I’ve been saying this for years – even though the last time I was there was 2008. I first visited NYC while in middle school 1997/1998 on an East Coast field trip; I don’t remember much other than I had an amazing time. The second time I visited to NYC was September 2005. I moved to Harlem in 2006 and lived there for just under a year. It was enough time to “fall in love” with the City.

After this Summer, my feelings are EXACTLY the same. I LOVE NYC! I found myself smiling at random strangers, walking with a pep in my step and feeling so much at home, as if I was raised there. I smiled until my cheeks hurt.

New York City with kids is a totally different experience; especially with a toddler. Every time we discuss where we would want to live if money and logistics weren’t an issue, we always say NYC. Our biggest hesitation is living in NYC with kids: public transportation, safety, expenses, adjusting third-culture kids etc. I know, I know, people raise kids in NYC on various incomes everyday – but it’s still hard to wrap our minds around how it would work for our family. This trip we got a little taste of what life would potentially be like; and the conclusion…drum roll please: I think we could definitely do it! With a lot of pre-planning and being quite knowledgeable about the city, I believe we’d adjust just fine.

We spent two weeks in NYC, 8 days in Brooklyn (New York Marriott at Brooklyn Bridge) and the remaining in the Lower East-Side (New York Marriott East Side).

Thankfully we had my moms Marriott discount (thanks Mom!!), though hotels were still super expensive we were able to manage a full two weeks in a very expensive city during high season. We managed by doing majority of our activities for FREE!

I did a lot of research, created a spreadsheet and planned out our entire two weeks (check your eyeroll and judgment), it came in real handy and saved us a lot of money! Although we didn’t do everything on the list, it gave us an excellent roadmap to follow and to stay within budget. If you want the spreadsheet for a future trip, shoot me an e-mail or comment below!

Let’s start from the beginning: we flew from Cleveland, Ohio to Boston to Laguardia. Although LGA is the most accessible airport, we had so much luggage it took us a while to arrange a van taxi to get from the airport to Brooklyn. Yes, we could have requested an Uber but we were on a tight budget! However, transportation from the airport was definitely an area we should have planned better: 6 suitcases, 6 carry-ons, a stroller, two adults and two kids; it was a lot. David and I missed the days of having one bag each and just hopping from place to place – how times have changed. In the end from LGA to Brooklyn we spent under $50 on the taxi.

July in NYC is HOT, and I mean HOT HOT HOT. I don’t know if this was one of the hottest summers or what, but I was determined to suck it up, wipe the sweat, pack some deodorant, apologize to my thighs and keep it moving. David and Levi were perfectly content hanging in the hotel because of the heat – I wasn’t having it. I wanted to be out and about EVERYDAY!

Most families avoid NYC because it’s so expensive, but if you know where to look and have somewhat of a flexible schedule you can get by with only spending on transportation, accomodation and food. I planned a variety of FREE things to in NYC with kids almost everyday.

For example, the Brooklyn Botanical Garden, Brooklyn Children’s Museum, Children’s Museum of the Arts, American Museum of Natural History, NY Botanical Gardens, Bronx Zoo, Guggenheim, and African Burial Ground National Monument are all either free on certain days or pay-as-you wish. This is the case with various museums, zoos, botanical gardens, festivals, fitness classes, children activities, storytimes, concerts and movies in the park throughout the five boroughs in NYC.

We decided against seeing a show on Broadway as it’s not recommended to bring babies – plus Malachi definitely wouldn’t have sat through a live show. I had to miss over half of the Lion King because he was completely over it after the 20 minutes of previews and once he heard, “Nants ingonyama bagithi Baba Sithi uhm ingonyama”.

So, what did we actually pay for? The most expensive experience was renting bikes at Central Park ($80), while the second was Lion King movie tickets ($60ish including snacks), and the third was renting a small surrey on Governors Island ($40). Other than that, we didn’t really spend much on activities or experiences. I would try to find alternative options for bike rental at Central Park – the customer service was really kind and accommodating but the bike padding and helmets weren’t clean nor did they look like there was an attempt at cleaning them.

Transportation: Because of the heat we ended up hopping in a cab or requesting an uber more than once. We did get the MTA (train) unlimited ride ($37 each) for David and I. Levi and Malachi were free! Can you tell from the photo Levi was OVER IT? This kid has ridden the train hundreds of times in Hong Kong, but he hated the NYC Subway. David couldn’t help but constantly make comparisons between NYC MTA and Hong Kong MTR. From air conditioned trains, clean stations, and customer service at mostly every stop – Hong Kong definitely is nicer all around. Levi kept asking “how many stops?”, “can we take an Uber?”, “I hate this train”. To be fair we did get stuck in a few delays and mishaps – but that’s NYC. He was however, very moved by the, “Excuse me ladies and gentleman, I don’t mean to interrupt your day but I’ve recently lost my husband, I’m going through a hard time and I would appreciate anything you can give”. This happened a few times and he wasn’t happy with us for not giving money or not believing the story. “She just lost her husband mom, she needs money to find him”. Oh Levi, my lovely third-culture-kid!

Food: I believe the most expensive meal was in Harlem (and it was worth it). Mostly, we ate relatively cheap and thankfully didn’t have any stomach issues from street food.  Malachi can now boldly request a hot dog and ice cream.

Day 1: Brooklyn

We kept it simple and headed to Prospect Park. I packed the boys swim trunks and we enjoyed the Splash Park as well.

Babywearing in Prospect Park

Prospect Park

Prospect Park

Prospect Park

Splash Park – Prospect Park

Prospect Park

Day 2: Central Park

One thing I’ve always wanted to do was bike ride around Central Park. I’ve had this image in my mind for years of my family tandem bike riding and it being all picturesque. Okay, reality check, so I enjoyed myself because I’m a dork and just love making memories with my family. But for David and Malachi it sucked! David had to tandem ride with Levi (basically pull his weight) in 99 degree heat, plus carry our backpack for the day with water bottles, blanket, diapers, baby carrier, etc. It was rough. It was hot. We were tired! But looking back at it, I’m still happy we did it! I’ll definitely do it again when my kids are older and more than capable to carry their own weight. We stopped in the park and had lunch, Malachi ran through some sprinklers, the kids played at the playground, we grabbed some ice cream, dropped off the bikes, cooled off at a Barnes and Noble and with only a few meltdowns and tantrums (I won’t share from who) we headed back to the hotel.

Barely peddling in Central Park

Big Mad in Central Park

Central Park

Snack time! Central Park

Swinging in Central Park

Feeding Pigeons in Central Park (or at least trying to)

Day 3 – 14 to come!

Summer 2019: Growing to Love Columbus

This Summer has been a whirlwind!

We started the Summer in Hong Kong. We left during the first few weeks of the protests, July 1st. It was Malachi’s first time on an airplane and he did great. Teething, feverish and needed meds, but it kept him relatively calm for the 15+ hour flight (I also nursed A LOT).

This Summer we visited to Ohio and New York and then relocated to Turkey.

I moved to Columbus when I was 21 years young in October 2005. It was my first time in the state and I was too young to fully grasp the reality of the looming difficulties that would arise from relocating to a place ALONE where I didn’t know a soul, without a job, very little money and no car. I did manage to find a place to live before I moved; though I quickly learned it wasn’t the safest part of town. Without going into a long story, my first experience living in Columbus wasn’t the best and it left a lasting distaste for the city for years to come.

After meeting, dating and marrying David I knew Ohio would always be in my life. We lived there for just over a year. Moving a few months before we got married and leaving about 15 months later. For David, Columbus is nostalgic. Full of fond memories, amazing experiences and friendships. For me, living in Columbus was lonely and I found it really difficult to feel at home.

Once we moved away, coming back to visit Ohio never sparked excitement or joy in me, This year was different! I found myself really excited leading up to our trip back to the States. I’m not sure if it was because of our kids and the impending family/cousin time or, the fact that I was SO over living in Hong Kong. But this California girl is definitely growing to love Ohio.

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We decided to split our time in Ohio between David’s hometown and Columbus. This Summer we focused on actually having a Summer Vacation. Usually our summers are catered around seeing family and working within their schedules. This year it was about our little family and I’m so happy we made that decision. We did more in two weeks than we did the last trip home when we spent 6 weeks in Ohio. Some of my family took the time to fly and drive into Ohio to visit us and it turned out to be such an amazing time.

The kids loved hanging out with their cousins from both families and had the chance to meet family members for the first time. Levi loves being in David’s hometown and was really bummed when it was time to leave Ohio. We wish they had more time hanging with family but that’s the reality of living abroad.

One thing I’ve known but really experienced this Summer: Columbus is a great place for families! There’s plenty to do and see and it’s not overly expensive. Whenever we discuss repatriation, Ohio is always the main location for that conversation. Usually, I struggle with the idea but this Summer I could really see the potential and enjoyment of living there in the future. Although the number one repatriation location on our list is always New York City!

Ohio wasn’t my first, second or third love, but It’s definitely growing on me and I’m learning to love it!

My Abu Dhabi Birth Story

My Abu Dhabi Birth Story is long overdue. As Levi’s 7th birthday approaches, I hope I can sift through this mommy brain of mine and remember a few key details about my experience giving birth abroad. Here it goes!

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4 Weeks Pregnant

Levi was conceived in November 2010. With unrestrained excitement, David and I proceeded to tell our family and close friends in the very early weeks of my pregnancy. I knew I was pregnant about 10 days after conception, I just knew it, I felt it! Plus, at that point we’d been practicing Natural Family Planning for close to 2 years and I knew my body quite well (We’re now 9 years of Natural Family Planning and would highly recommend it).

One of the cons of knowing your pregnant so early, is 9 months feels like FOREVER!!! I took a pregnancy test the day my menstrual cycle was due and after 3 positive tests David and I hopped in our car and drove to the nearest hospital in Khalifa City A for an official pregnancy test. I gave a urine sample and we waited, and waited, and waited. OK, it was really only about 35 minutes, but it felt like 8 hours. For some reason we couldn’t believe it with store bought tests, we needed a Doctor to say, “yes, you’re pregnant”.

Summer 2010

It’s not as if my pregnancy came as a surprise, we decided a few months prior while backpacking through Europe that we would start trying for a baby soon when we returned. By the time we were ready, I didn’t expect to get pregnant so fast – on the first attempt; literally the FIRST try, one day during my fertility week (same story when it comes to Malachi, I know the exact day both of my boys were conceived). But again, it makes the 9 months quite long. It’s now attractive to be one of those “I didn’t know I was pregnant ladies” who can go 8 months with absolutely no idea their pregnant! How is that possible?

My body went thorough so much the first 5 months, there is no way I could have missed the baby growing inside of me and making me terribly sick. Yes, I was SICK, sick, sick! All the time, for 5 months.

During that time we searched for a OBGYN in Abu Dhabi.

OB/GYN #1 wouldn’t allow David in the room during my appointments and wouldn’t allow him in the room during delivery. So we kept looking…

OB/GYN #2 would allow David in the room for all of my appointments, but wouldn’t allow him in the delivery room. So we kept looking…

OB/GYN #3 allowed David in both the appointments and the delivery room! But, after about 3 appointments with her I realized she was just a bit too “rough” for my liking and had little to no sensitivity for my misery as I struggled with pregnancy. She basically told me to get over myself, women go through this everyday! True, but I’ve never gone through it and I have NEVER experienced pregnancy sickness. I wish she would have just said, “Mal, you’re doing great! It’ll get better and your baby is growing just fine”. She didn’t. So we kept looking…

OB/GYN #4 Dr. Marwan, he was the winner winner, chicken dinner! By the time we found Dr. Marwan, I was already 5 months pregnant. He was surprised I STILL didn’t have a doctor. He allowed David in all of my appointments and in the delivery room as well.

So now I’m 5 1/2 months pregnant, my Father-in-law and brother-in-law are visiting us from Ohio, USA. We go for a short walk in our neighborhood and I feel slight cramping and tell them I need to head home. We get home, I go straight to the bathroom and I’m bleeding! You know I freaked, calmly, but freaked nonetheless. We immediately head over to the ER at New Al Noor Hospital. As I’m cramping, bleeding and trying not to cry we try to explain to the reception desk that I’m 5 1/2 months pregnant and bleeding. It took a while for them to understand the urgency of what we were saying, so my husband pushed to speak to Dr. Marwan. Thankfully, Dr. Marwan was at the hospital that day and saw me right away. After an examination he explained I was experiencing pre-term labor and from there he and his staff proceeded to do what they could to stop my contractions (what I previously labeled cramping) and bleeding. After hours at the hospital, prescriptions and an order for one month of bed rest I was sent home.

The next month sucked, if you’ve ever been on bed rest you know this. Good thing was I was feeling much better! My morning (afternoon & night) sickness subsided and I was back to my normal self completely enjoying my pregnancy. After a few days off of bed rest my husband and I visit friends. I started experience those “cramps” again. This time, stronger and more painful. I tried to ignore them, I did for about 30 minutes until I couldn’t hide the pain and my facial expressions worried everyone in the room. So, I was off to the hospital again.

I’m 6 1/2 months pregnant and back in the same ER. This time my husband knew how to handle the reception staff and I was seen immediately. It was evening and Dr. Marwan was not on duty. After an examination I was told yet again, that I’m in labor. This time it was more serious and I needed to go to a hospital that could handle premature babies. David and I are trying to stay as calm as possible but it didn’t stop the tears from falling. We asked for an ambulance and they told us we’d get there faster if we drove. So in labor, at 6 1/2 months pregnant we drive over to Corniche Hospital.

We walk into the ER and explain to the reception what has happened, the receptionist proceeded to ask my address and phone number…if I had the energy I likely would have smacked her and then repeated myself! I know, so bad…instead I said louder “I’m 6 1/2 months pregnant and in labor, I need to see a Doctor NOW!!” she nodded, apologized and ran off to get help. The next 45 minutes is a blur. I had needles in both arms, one in my hand. They insisted my husband couldn’t join me in the room so I was alone, crying, in pain and trying to make sense of the chaos that surrounded me as 6 or 7 medical professional were doing various tasks to and around me while speaking in either Arabic, English or Hindi. After 45 minutes, the ER Doctor on duty came in told me they weren’t equipped to take a baby as they did not have any incubators for a pre-mature baby born so early. I needed to transfer to another hospital in preparation for delivery. They called around and the only hospital that had an incubator was in Al Ain. A 60-90 minute drive away. I request an ambulance and again we’re told we’d get there faster if we drive.

They help me out of bed and I call David in to help me get dressed as they kept the IV in my hand so it didn’t need to be inserted again at the other hospital. They proceeded to yell at David telling him he wasn’t allowed in the room with me and I just gave them the look…you know the look! They all quieted down and looked away.

We’re in our car, driving to Al Ain. Praying, silence, crying, silence, praying, but then I had to poop. It was the middle of the night and we’re surrounded by sand. There is no restroom (that I would use pregnant with an IV in my hand) for miles. Plus, we didn’t want to stop, I was still technically in labor and we needed to get to the hospital. On top of that, one stretch of the ride there is no signal. We didn’t want to risk stopping, David kept telling me I could hold it. Listen, you can’t tell a pregnant women to hold her poop. Especially one in labor. I grabbed the tissues out the glove compartment, crawled to the back seat, grabbed a box that was on the floor, emptied it and pooped in the box. I haven’t had a moment that low since…but it was the laughter we needed at the time! Yes, disgusting, but hey, we laugh about it to this day!

We get to the hospital and I can’t remember what happened. By that point, this was the third hospital, I was in pain, hours had passed, I pooped in a box…in our car and I had a major migraine from crying. What I do remember is waking up in a calm, quiet room feeling a lot better. David on the couch next to me and a female Emirati doctor entering the room to reassure me everything was fine. They were able to get my contractions to stop and the baby was fine. I stayed for four days and upon discharge was prescribed bed rest again for one month. It was one of my best hospital stays, the staff and physicians were lovely!

A few days later I sat with Dr. Marwan and he told me quite compassionately but bluntly, “My dear, if your baby is born early it is likely he won’t survive. Abu Dhabi is not as medically advance to handle a pre-mature baby’s born at 6 months gestation. Please prepare yourself”. I needed his bluntness. I was thankful that he could look me in the eyes and tell me the truth and tell me plainly. I knew I had no control over the situation and all I could do was have faith, pray and follow Doctors orders.

Over the next few months I had to go to Dr. Marwan weekly for hormone shots in my back. Painful, painful, painful! And to monitor my contractions, if any.

 

By 7 1/2 months I was consistently praying to make it to 8 months. At 8 months, my baby would be safe if born early in Abu Dhabi. By 8 months we were preparing to move from our 1 bedroom apartment in Khalifa City A, to a 2 bedroom on Reem Island.

Long story short, on move day, the movers were not moving fast enough and I put myself to work in attempt to hurry the process along! That evening David and I went out for dinner and I felt contractions again. I didn’t pay them much attention because they weren’t strong and were similar to Braxton Hicks. That night I kept getting up to pee because I was slowly peeing on myself in my sleep (pregnancy, don’t ask). After the 3rd trip to the toilet I woke David up, I realized my water was breaking slowly and it actually wasn’t pee. I was actually in labor at dinner and didn’t realize it.

We headed over to the hospital around 2am, excited because we were only 5 days from my due date!!!

I had my birthing ball, my playlist, essential oils, Bible, journal, baby clothes, everything was ready!

When we were settled in my room, I reminded David that no one under any circumstances should offer me pain killers! No matter how much pain I looked to be in, don’t offer it. I’ll ask if I want it. The nurses insist I stay on the contraction monitoring machine because of my history. I fought a few times to be taken off and allowed to walk around because it was ruining my birth plan! As the nurses approached over the next 10 hours trying to insist on an epidural, David did his job well!

By hour 11 Dr. Marwan insisted on inducing me because they couldn’t track exactly when my water broke (and because of my history), he wanted to speed up the process to get the baby out. Trusting Dr. Marwan, but against my birth plan and against my personal judgement, I agreed to be induced. The pain tripled. It was horrible, (but don’t dare offer me an epidural, haha). By hour 13 after reviewing the baby’s heart rate Dr. Marwan told me bluntly, “we need to get him out now!” By the look on his face, I decided to scratch my birth plan, no arguing, no questions, just get him out safely. I looked at David and back to Dr. Marwan and nodded my head in compliance to the c-section.

The nurses swiftly inserted a catheter, transferred me to another bed and rolled me to the operating room. David and I had very little time to talk, so we said goodbye with a quick prayer and kiss. David pulled Dr. Marwan off to the side and I learned later he told him that I must come first, and did some type of man-to-man talk, I don’t remember the details. Although I was the one being rolled into the Operating Room, the look on his face matched my own anxiety and concern.

In the OR, I held a pillow tightly and slouched over as requested. They inserted the local anesthesia in my back and then the full body epidural. It was painful, I felt it although I was told I wouldn’t. I bit down into the pillow and tried to stay perfectly still.

Dr. Marwan, the anesthesiologist and the OR nurses spoke in Arabic and shared a few things with me in English. I know they didn’t put me totally under but I remember almost nothing. I remember telling them to take some fat out while they’re down there and feeling like my joke fell flat because no one laughed. I faintly remember them telling me to “kiss your baby” as a wet, bloody and tiny crying baby was put next to my cheek. I remember saying “hi baby” kissing him and telling him I love you. They brought the baby to David (who wasn’t allowed in the OR). The next thing I remember is waking up in my room and David bringing me Levi, he tried to have me hold him but I was shaking uncontrollably and was in so much pain.

I whispered to him with the energy I had and told him, “I think I’m dying” which of course scares the crap out of him. He asks the nurses again and again if I’m OK? They assure him I’m fine. Dr. Marwan has left by now, so we trust their word. Ten minutes later I tell him I need more medicine, I was in so much pain and I was sure I was dying. He asked if they could give me more pain killers and they told him I had my limit for the day, and that maybe I had a “low pain tolerance”. This clearly angered David because he responded, “She just went through 13 hours of labor with no medication, she doesn’t have a low pain tolerance!” (10 point for the hubby)!

 

Throughout the night, David kept trying to get me to hold and cuddle and name our baby. I couldn’t. I couldn’t focus, I couldn’t hold him near my incision. This was not how I planned my birth! I already felt like a bad mother and it had only been 4 hours…

Levi, 1 day old.

Levi was born the afternoon of August 4th. By the morning of August 5th the pain had slowly subsided. By now, I could hold him, look at him – REALLY look at him; I cuddled him and apologized over and over under my breath, I prayed for him and we finally named him!

Dr. Marwan came in a few hours later to check on me. I told him how miserable my night was and he replied quite calmly, “yes, well you were induced an hour before delivery. So your body was likely still contracting and in labor”. What the?? David and I looked at each other and then at one of the nurses, why couldn’t they tell me that? Oh, by the way mam your baby is in your husbands arms but your body doesn’t quite know that yet…

 

Anyways, we spent four days in the hospital and they wouldn’t let me leave until I pooped. I know, enough with the pooping, but this is real life and in real life we poop!

My experience afterbirth at the time was miserable, I wanted to leave and I was so stressed out. Now having Malachi in Hong Kong, I can say my time in the Abu Dhabi hospital was lovely! We had our own room and bathroom. David stayed the ENTIRE time and slept on the couch. I had privacy and was able to sleep and have help with Levi when needed.

At the time, what angered me was the bully nurse that made me feel so horrible about breastfeeding (another post, another time). Another nurse refused to hand Levi back to David. The 12-15 nurses that kept coming in our room to see the “cafe latte” baby, because they wanted to see what a biracial baby looked like (weirdos), and the fact I wasn’t allowed to eat anything for a while so I was HANGRY!

Levi, 2 days old.

We went home on August 8th, one day before his original due date. I couldn’t have been happier to get home! But then, we were home and alone, with a baby! What now?

Well, thankfully, he’s almost 7 years old and we survived.

Dr. Marwan, our Iraqi OB/GYN, will forever hold a special place in our hearts and family; and Abu Dhabi will always be a home to us as the birth place of our first born! I’ll also add that Abu Dhabi, as such a young country, has grown leaps and bounds year after year. They are likely well equipped to handle premature babies without as much hassle.

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Levi is our little miracle baby, our answered prayer!

Date Night: Tips & Misconceptions

Did you laugh at the title? If you’re a parent, likely it provoked some type of emotional reaction. Indifference, desire, laughter…something!

For me, when I hear the term date night I dangle between a chuckle and a frown. The chuckle because it sounds very idealistic to keep up with dates once the babes arrive and the frown, because I feel like we’ve failed time and again at date night.

I know all too well the importance of prioritizing dates with your spouse, especially once you become parents. Life becomes so busy and your time usurped by responsibilities, it’s important to cultivate and nourish your marriage with dedicated time with one another.

Out of the 10 years David and I have been married, we’ve spent 7 of those years as parents. Those first three years we should have savored every minute of free time, because the words free and time no longer go together!

In my opinion, a healthy marriage can get away with living off of past dates. They become sort of reserved fat that you can pull from when needed.

In Abu Dhabi, as new parents, David and I would reminisce as we lay exhausted on the couch whispering after putting Levi to bed, nervous to even yawn loudly. We’d quietly snicker about what we were doing 4 years ago or how we didn’t have the desire to go out if given the chance. We also had no desire to leave our baby with anyone, we were tiger parents (OK, we’re still helicopter parents)!

Date reminiscing only lasts for so long, you need to start making memories and new experiences together. As new parents, your baby becomes your entire world and you bond deeply over this little person(s) that you made together. Eventually, you reach a point when you look at each other and you can’t remember the last conversation you had that wasn’t about work, money, or your child(ren). You can’t remember the last time you laughed at something that wasn’t about your baby or a viral video of another baby. At which point, I hope you’ve come to the conclusion that ya’ll need to get out!

Here are a few misconceptions I’ve come across as a married mama and a few tips for your reading pleasure, please note I’ve only been a mother for close to 7 years and I’m sharing from that perspective:

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Misconception #1: Parents Want to go Out

Nope. Not really. What I’ve found for most of my parental friends, they usually don’t want to go out. When you consider going out as a parent you have a full mental pros and cons list: How far is it? Is it worth my time? Who’s all going to be there? How much money will I spend? What time do I need to be there? Are spanks required? What time will I get home? What do I have going on tomorrow? Going out has to be worth it to parents, because an evening away from our children is rarely experienced without the feelings of worry or guilt.

Tip #1: Accept the Season

For my marriage, the desire for date night outside of our home has transferred between David and I in seasons. Sometimes, I really want to go out, other times, it’s all David. Every time we plan and commit to a weekly date night, we do good for about 6-8 weeks and then the scheduled date night hits and we just want to chill, at home. Our streak is thrown off and we end up dateless for weeks on end.

I remind myself often that we’re in a season of young babes, no sleep and exhaustion. Levi talks a mile a minute and Malachi refuses to sleep away from me for more than 3 hours at a time. This won’t be the case in the years to come. We’re in a season, and all seasons pass. David and I will again be in the season where we have time together, when we don’t want to leave the restaurant by 9 pm and when an enjoyable Friday doesn’t include Netflix.

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Misconception #2: You Need a Weekly Date Night

OK, I know I’m going against many marriage and family therapists here, but I feel like the weekly date night can put a huge amount of stress on couples. To the point where people end up pretending and the genuine desire to have this night becomes just another responsibility to tick off the list. Now, I’m not suggesting you throw it completely out the window. I am saying give yourself some grace and as long as you spend time together in whatever capacity that works for your marriage, a weekly, consistent “leave the house date night” may not be the best scenario for you, and that’s okay!

Tip #2: Go Anyways!

There are times your spouse may want to go do something and you absolutely don’t want to go. Go anyways! This has happened more times than I can count in my marriage. I’ve been working on going when requested even when I don’t want to! David doesn’t like going to cafes (crazy right?!) and it’s one of my favorite places to be. I likely get him to put aside his distaste for cafes and go along with me once a month.

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Misconception #3: Parents are Jealous of Non-Parents

I’ve seen comments and opinions about this quite often since becoming a parent. The biggest argument to this misconception is connected to time. Parents are jealous of non-parents because of the freedom they have to sleep, drink hot coffee, bath, etc.

So many parents prayed for, worked towards, and sometimes physically, mentally and emotionally went through a great deal to become parents. The idea that we sit around envying the lives of non-parents is quite ludicrous. To be fair, if I had to rephrase this to a more truthful statement for the parents I know it would be: Parents are Jealous of Non-Parents Time. Because that’s all it is; as parents your time is occupied completely by little people, they take up so much space in your heart, your mind and your schedule but in a way that we wouldn’t change for the world. I simply wish I had MORE time! That I could stop time at certain points to savor and commit to memory that first smile, first word, or purposeful kiss.

Tip #3: Be in Agreement

There is nothing worse then going on a date and then arguing! Not only does it totally defeat the purpose of spending time together being affectionate and communicating, but  you’re wasting time. What’s brought on the most arguments during a date with us is not being in agreement. For example,  David has a plan in his head that he didn’t verbalize and I’m expected to just go along with it, or we can’t agree where to go. The argument list can go on.

What I found to be the best way to avoid a potential argument is to decide who is choosing the location ahead of time, to verbalize any requirements or requests, like when to leave. When we go out, we usually have a nice little signal ahead of time so we both know when one of us is ready to go home. It usually happens around the same time, and the sign isn’t even needed. We simply give a look and we know, it’s time to go!

Tip #4: Date Anytime!

A bonus tip that goes without saying but is always a good reminder, date anytime. Don’t limit your dates to date nights. Nighttime isn’t all that attractive when you become parents. You’re yawning at dinner, the music is too loud, your exhausted and irritable. Don’t force an evening date. Plan your dates in morning or early afternoons when you can. There is way less parental guilt during these times for some reason and you still get to put your babes to bed and get to bed at a decent hour yourself.

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We’re currently in a dry season of a weekly date night, but we’re in a season of abundance with watching our little boys grow and play together, as well as spontaneous lunch dates, random conversations and plenty of laughter. Each marriage is so different, enjoy the one you’re in!

What are some of your date tips and/or misconceptions you’ve come across in your marriage?

2 Boys: Same Same, But Oh So Different!

I’ve been a mother for almost 7 years. Motherhood comes with many, too many, ups and downs, highs and lows. Motherhood has challenged me in ways I could in no way prepare for; and it’s filled me with such a deep love and fulfillment I can’t attempt to articulate in a paragraph. I feel like I really grasped motherhood with both hands, arms and shoulders – all of me! I can say, I’ve been quite proud of myself and feel really good as a Mama. That is, until something happens that brings on the infamous Mama Guilt!

When I found out July 2017, at 7 months pregnant, that my second baby would be another boy, I felt completely prepared. I originally hoped to have a baby girl so I could say, “okay, we’re done here! Thank you to all you little visitors, but my uterus is officially closed“. God had other plans! With another boy, I don’t want to to close up shop just yet. I’ll extend my uterus hours for a little longer in case I have a mini female me in my future. Time will tell…In the meantime I thought, OK, I have a boy coming!

My thought process went pretty much like this: I have a boy, I birthed and raised my little boy; I know what to expect, I’m ready! I know what I’m doing, and baby numero dos will be easy peezy!

SMH.

How far, how very far from the truth my assumption was.

Top: Levi, 1 day old, 2011, Abu Dhabi Bottom: Malachi, 1 day old, 2017, Hong Kong

I don’t know why I assumed my boys would be the same. I knew their personalities would be different, of course! They’re two different people after all. But, I must confess I pretty much expected similarities for the first 6-9 months of life.

Can I tell you, not ONE thing was the same with these babes.

Nada, zip, zero – nothing! 

Well, actually that’s not entirely true. Levi and Malachi look so much alike.

Left – Malachi, Right – Levi

 

I spent the first 4 months of Malachi’s life being completely flabbergasted. I was constantly frustrated and cried often; he wasn’t behaving, interacting, nursing, sleeping, or growing like Levi.

David felt the same – minus the crying. Baby Levi loved spending time with his Baba. He loved laying on his chest, he enjoyed his cuddles, his singing, and at 6 (and 3 quarters) he still does. Malachi did not want to lay on his Baba’s chest, he rarely wanted him to sing, kiss, or cuddle him.

Levi was and is 100% a Baba’s (Daddy’s boy), Malachi on the other hand is a Mama’s boy through and through.

Having a Mama’s boy definitely has it’s perks, but being the only parent to be able to calm, feed and put to sleep a baby is beyond exhausting.  With Levi, David could do pretty much everything I did minus nursing, and not for the sake of trying, Levi tried to nurse on David more than once!

Malachi’s leaps, sleeping – everything was drastically different than Levi’s.

I can’t count how many times I’ve said, “When Levi was a baby he…blah blah blah”. We’ve been so used to Levi and only Levi for so long…we gauged everything with Malachi based on our experience with Levi.

On one hand, this is quite normal. On the other, because Levi was such an “easy” baby, we were constantly pitting Malachi’s behavior against his brothers. It took a good 4-5 months before I realized, “Mal, stop comparing these two little slices of heaven”. They were created to be uniquely and beautifully different.

Left – Levi @ 1 year old. Right – Malachi @ 7 months. Same Outfit!

Seeing Malachi as an individual, completely away from the shadow of his brother has been difficult for me to say the least. It’s a habit that formed so quickly, it’s taken some time to break.

Since accepting Levi and Malachi as uniquely and beautifully different, I’ve been able to enjoy this journey of motherhood even more. I’ve fully embraced little Malachi as…Malachi, my little coconut! Our connection and relationship has been so much better and enjoyable.

Everything with Malachi has been new to me – he’s such a little individual, so determined, so loving and cuddly, so full of joy and laughter! He makes me laugh every single day.

To all the parents who are struggling with comparison, let’s remember to celebrate and uplift each of our beautiful babes. Let’s build them up with our love, our words, our actions and our prayers. Giving them the foundation and tools to grow and become wonderful, confident, resilient, compassionate and optimistic individuals in this world!

Have Kids, Will Travel

 

Sponsored Post

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My sweet-little-hunk of love and laughter Malachi, is eight months now. Unlike his older brother Levi, we have yet to take a family trip or getaway with him.

On one hand, I’m thankful, it can be exhausting traveling with a little one. On the other hand, traveling as a family is so rewarding, you’re making memories and having wonderful experiences. So that pesky mama guilt sets in as I flashback to the experiences we gave Levi during his first year.

At four months Levi took his first international trip back home (well, Mama & Baba’s home) USA. By eight months, Levi had traveled to Cyprus, at ten months he’d been to Oman, and by one year he was back to the USA again; enjoying a cross-country road trip from Ohio to California with a little detour: we celebrated his first birthday in Nashville, Tennessee! Over the past 6 years this kid has received more passport stamps than most adult members of my family.

Hiking with Mama (and the cows) – California

This year my husband and I decided 2018 is the year of NO TRAVEL! We’ll spend our first Summer in Hong Kong this year. We’ve traveled every year since moving abroad in 2009. So for 2018 we said we would do a little adulting and sit still, save money, and enjoy a few local stay-cations. As we’re halfway through the year we’ve been tempted numerous times to book a flight and go! The itch to travel is strong. So far, we’ve stuck to our guns…then enters Villa-Finder.com. I received an email introducing the company and service to our 852 Mamas community thus enticing me once again, to book a flight and go!

Villa-Finder launched in 2012 and has over 1,000 reviewed and inspected villas in their database. From Bali, to Phuket, Koh Samui, Sri Lanka and Mauritius! Taking a look through their website, the villas are beautiful and picturesque! Villa-Finder’s villas are frequently reinspected to ensure they are well maintained and consistent in their level of service.

Villa-Finder’s customers are usually families, which makes sense why they reached out to 852 Mamas! As Mamas, we know that family needs are significantly different to those traveling without kids. Thinking back to our pre-kids backpacking trip through Europe in 2010, we wouldn’t dare to try that at this stage, we’ll wait until they’re a bit older!

As a parent, our concerns and considerations regarding accommodation include things like pool fences, car seats, convenient transportation, safety, etc.

Depending on your specific concerns, Villa-Finder’s Travel Consultants fits the needs of the family with the villas that best fit their specific requirements.

Their Guest Relation team can arrange everything for your stay including: airport pick-up, special dinners, day tours, in-villa massage, and so on. This is not just a platform where customers book and pay. Villa-Finder has a team to make sure your needs are met. Villa-Finder’s Guest Relation’s team works on your behalf free of charge. 

Villa-Finder is also planting a tree in Sumatra, Indonesia for every booking made. Allowing families to contribute to the environment in a passive but sustainable way!

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I’ve personally stayed in a villa twice since having kids, the Zighy Bay Resort in Oman and Kau Suar Bali Luxury Villas in Bali, we usually choose hotels. Now that our family has grown, the benefits of a private villa are quite attractive, I’ve listed 4 key benefits below:

1. Privacy: this goes without saying, when you have kids, privacy is key to a stress free family experience. You’re not worrying about who can hear your baby crying in the middle of the night, or the lovely sounds of your two year old refusing to take a bath. In a villa, it’s pretty much the same privacy as our crazy family life at home but with a little luxury!
2. Space: from personal experience, this is all too true. It’s so helpful to have space when you have kids, they can play and everyone isn’t cramped in a hotel suite. It also helps to have more than one bathroom!
3. Service: from pool toys, to couples massage, to private chefs there is usually nothing off limits in terms of requesting services.
4. Value: the price of a villa and a hotel is relatively comparable depending on your family budget, yet when all is said and done, you will likely save more money from food and beverage bills and avoiding those pesky service charges.

I’d like to make an honorary mention of a private kitchen! Because when you have kids, snacks and meals are a big deal.

No matter where you choose to stay as you prepare to venture out this Summer, I’ll be stalking Instagram vacationing in my own little way! You never know, we may give in and try out Villa-Finder for ourselves this Summer, we shall see!

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 Written for 852 Mamas

Hong Kong Mama’s Silent Lift Anger

 Written for http://www.852mamas.com

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OK Hong Kong Mamas, I’m going to take a confident position here and assume we’ve all experienced what I like to call ‘Silent Lift Anger‘. Please entertain me as I explain:

I’ve lived in Hong Kong for over two years before experiencing Silent Lift Anger (yes, my fellow Americans – it’s elevator…but when in Rome). Once you have a baby, and in my case two, everything changes!

My first experience with SLA was with my husband and newborn baby in the MTR at Hong Kong Station. I didn’t realize at the time that this would become a regular occurrence.

I was discharged from Queen Mary Hospital on Friday night. Yet, I was requested – well actually firmly instructed to visit the hospital the NEXT morning after discharge, which I thought was completely bizarre! Saturday morning we go to the hospital and they instruct us to return yet again on Monday morning. So now it’s Monday, and Mama is exhausted! We decide to skip yet another $600 Uber ride and take the train from Lantau to Queen Mary. As we exit the train and make our way to the lift we notice people (able-bodied people) rushing to the lift. We make it in time with our stroller (buggy) to stand behind 3 adults. Behind us is a little old lady in a wheel chair with her relative or caretaker. My husband passively makes a comment about lift priority which goes either completely ignored or, they didn’t hear him or, don’t speak English. We push ourselves onto the lift and proceed to make our way to the Central MTR to transfer trains. This is where it gets quite annoying, the Central lift is TINY and only so many of us can fit, let alone with a stroller. Again, able-bodies push through to make it in front of us on the lift.

Here enters my Silent Lift Anger!

Inside, I’m furious, frustrated, annoyed….can’t they see we have a baby? Don’t they understand the lifts should be for people like us and wheelchairs? Why can’t they just take the escalators? Shouldn’t they at least offer for us to go first considering the signage painted at their feet tells them so?

I’m not bold enough to call out strangers. I also sometimes struggle with impostor syndrome since, well, I’m a foreigner in this country. Still, I want them to follow my cultural etiquette when it comes to lifts! That’s a bit arrogant of me right? I mean, I’m in Hong Kong and this is obviously what seems to be the norm here. When I look around, everyone else seems to just accept it. So, I just scream and yell on the inside…Silent Lift Anger!

This has now gone on for over 8 months. When you have a stroller in Hong Kong – these experiences happen weekly! I’ve had so many moments of Silent Lift Anger – to the point where I’m walking out of the lift and having full conversations in my head of what I wanted to say, witty things I should have said and dirty looks that are universal. I’m sure people passing me on the street thought I was a sleep deprived psycho mom with my crazy facial expressions and my mouth murmuring slowly with no words exiting!

A few times I found myself bold enough to say, “the escalators are working!!“. Usually, this boldness is proceeded by a play-date or lunch-date with other Mamas and they embolden me with that wonderful Mama Power that comes after a simple coffee and teething chat. It’s amazing how a little time with other Mamas makes us feel empowered (or, like a failure depending on the group…but that’s another blog post, eek).

My Silent Lift Anger now lasts a good 30 seconds or so. I’m over it quite quickly because I know what to expect. I have to plan to leave earlier, avoid rush hour, get on the train car directly across from the lift if possible, push my way past people – don’t make eye contact (or do, depending on the situation), and simply adjust to lift etiquette that exists. I make sure to say thank you and extend a warm appreciative smile to the people who do show great kindness and consideration.

So Mamas, when you’re experiencing your Silent Lift Anger, just know you’re not alone! And eventually, you won’t need the lift at all!

Where’s My Snapback?

This blog has been re-posted at 852 Mamas

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The term snapback is defined simply as: returning to your pre-baby body or pre-baby weight.  The significance of a snapback is the lightening speed at which it happens for some women. At 1, 3 or 6 month post-partum many Mamas are 100% back to their pre-baby body!

OK Mamas, is it just me or is the pressure to snapback at an all time high? We also live in the age of the internet MACHINE which is both amazing and creepy at the same time. I’m “coincidentally” bombarded with adverts and offers regarding my post-partum body on Instagram, Facebook, Google – you name it. The adverts are catered directly to me and depending on the day, can really cause some mental and emotional stress to a sleep deprived Mama of 2 boys!

When I’m cluster feeding one baby boy and simultaneously attempting to help my older son prepare for a spelling test – the last thing I want to see as I spell check a word in google (in this particular situation, seeing the word ‘tomorrow’ 19 times you have absolutely no idea if you’re making up the spelling or if tomorrow is even a word), the last thing I want to see as an advert is how to turn my mama belly into tight abs! 

I’ve also seen my fair share of  side-by-side images of women showing their pregnancy and post-pregnancy bodies, dates included. It’s quite impressive. Especially because I was NOT thinking about a full body photo at 4 days post-partum. Let me add here, I’m not a hater (usually) these Mamas look amazing and I’m (usually) inspired when I see these pictures. But to be honest, I am left looking down and examining my body afterwards because….well, I still don’t recognize it!

Let’s take a moment and discuss the different types of snapbacks, shall we?

The Natural Snapback: You wanna thank your Mama for a snap like that! (Read that again but rap it Salt’s verse from Salt N’ Pepa’s Shoop). Mothers who simply have “it” in their genes, they can sneeze day 2 post-partum and the SNAP happens instantaneously!

The Passive Snapback: These mamas are the ones that can do absolutely nothing major, a plank here, a salad there and in two months BAM…They’re snapped!

The Breastfeeding Snapback: I really thought I’d be her! The Mama who just breastfeeds. We know, we know, we know that breastfeeding burns calories. These Mamas simply breastfeed (like many of us) but for them, the natural side-effect of breastfeeding is the SNAP!

The Food & Fitness Snapback: I respect these women and would love an ounce of their discipline. So, these are the ladies who have a plan and stick to their plan no matter what. They know the SNAP will only come if they work for it, and work for it they do!

Okay okay, to be honest, I’m likely – well I mean…I’m not working for my snapback as hard as many other Mamas. At the same time, I’ve been quite hard on myself and overly compared my body to other Mamas. What’s crazy about that is I would never negatively compare my baby to other babies or my 6 year-old to other kids. They are beautifully unique and lovely little individuals. So, I’ve been working on taking that same gentle love for them and directing it towards the way I see and love myself!

This is entirely a completely different blog post for another day, but I have to constantly remind myself how amazing my body is! It’s carried, nurtured, protected and birthed two beautiful and healthy babies. My body is a blessing and I need to look upon it and think about it with a lot more kindness!

A snapback for me does not come naturally, passively, or from breastfeeding. I’ll have to work hard for it if I want it. The question then becomes do I really want?

What I’ve realized on this journey called Motherhood is…we need to love ourselves more as Mamas and do what’s best for us as individuals! Let’s refocus our snapback to simply loving ourselves a bit more and doing things that we enjoy. Mamas, after babies our lives are usurped by a tiny human and it never stops, it just consistently changes. So for us, it’s not often we have free time to do things that we (as Mal, not Mom) want to do.

So I repeat, do what’s best for you! If you enjoy a spin class, take that class! If it’s a quiet corner in a cafe with a book, tell us where you found a quiet cafe in Hong Kong! If it’s a daily nap, Mama take that nap! If it’s a post-natal Pilates class, have fun at that class!

I’m worrying less about my snapback and focusing more on loving myself. I hope you do the same!

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